Wednesday, April 15, 2009

7-11 my home away from home

So I go to 711 twice a day usually.Once around 11-2 at night. The other time somewhere between 8-11 in the morning. Going to 711 is not something i do out of necessity but something i do as more of a routine. I think i am not the only individual who does this. I know the workers by monikers i have come up with them. For example Raj (actual name) that dude who stinks, that weird girl who listens to stupid hip hop, that dude who is overly friendly and ask me do i need a bag for my big gulp like it is malt liquor, and finally rajs brother who greets me as "chief" in the morning. Well I have also noticed some people are always there. At night there is the group of guys who thinks it increases their status to go there. They take time off their summer sales meetings and put in their finest pomade to shop at 711. They also drown in Aqua Di Gio and pop their hollister collar. These are the repulsive people that refer to raj by name after every sentence. then there are the girls. they usually come in sweatpants or 80s gear from dancing. They hope the guy with his collar popped does not start a conversation.Or they hope they do because the girls are just experiencing college and the desperation of provo males. then there are the usuals who go just because. you see them in there trying to find a late night snack and continue thier horrible affair with college studying. In the morning you get all the crazy old people. i saw a guy this morning with a glass eye. But my overall favorite character and voted most shadiest person in Provo is the homeless guy that hangs out there. I have noticed that this homeless guy is a real trashy with a hint of classy. For example most homeless people bum money for beer. He on the other hand bums money for colombian roast coffee in the morning. Some bum money for chips, he on the other hand bums for the fruit they have in the basket.Some bums sit in the sun and talk crazy. He can be seen on the corner of University and 8th reading the paper. So obviously this homeless man is the Bentley of homelessness. So the other day when I think man this guy cant get classier, I go to 7-11 I see my homeless 7-11er at the coffee pot. I go to scope his attire. I look, he is of course wearing his usual seamless trash bags. But then I notice he has got sunglasses. Thats right UV rays stay out his life. I then notice they are Chanel sunglasses, the classiest homeless man ever. He then goes to pay for his coffee, he pulls out a Louis Vouitton coin purse. I mean this guy is now classier than anybody else in the store. Decked out in trash bags and designer accesories for the spring.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

gots the money

So pretty much there are some things that i learned about utah in my living here. 1)guys wear more hair product then girls 2) people actually still shop at american eagle and abercrombie and think there cool 3)people are quick to start a "business" and claim they got bank 4) it snows way to much 5) everybody knows how to play an acoustic guitar no matter how bad they suck.
So as far as the third above listed. today i am driving to work. i get behind a saturn, this saturn has damage like it has been through hurricane katrina. Anyway the saturn abd i both go to the same gas station. He pulls to the gas pump so do i. I read the back of his car, it has a huge sticker that reads "want to make 50k a month from home, call me." Then i think man this guy in this beat up saturn is making 600k a year. He must not want to show his money. I then wait for this small business owner to step out to scope his attire. He is wearing a wife beater and pair of rustlers and flip flops. Ok so 600k a year cant buy a car better than a saturn, jeans better than rustlers, and a jacket to put over your hairy chest. So i kindly smile at the guy and say "man 50k a month is alot, what do you do?" he then looks at me and replies " real estate investing" I then look and say " what kind" he replies "well i got this interesting oppurtunity" I interrupt repeat "what kind" he then replies"hear me out" I then reply "commercial, residential, FSBOs, apartments, section 8, etc. etc." this guy looks at me and says "what do you do for income" i answer "i am a product of the recession" "i sell lightbubs" (this was a lie) he then replies " have you ever thought about starting your own business" and i said " can i end up like you?" he then says "sure can" I said "great" he then proceeded to tell me about all the money i can make. I then proceed to tell him about how i dont want to drive a saturn, wear rustlers, and wife beaters. This man got offended and drove off. He didnt even fill up his car. Two days later, I am getting an oil change see the same car in the parking lot. An attendant comes to my window. I look at the guy his shirt says "rob". it was the same "rob" who makes 50k a month. I said hey rob good to see you again. He gives me a snarl. I said oil change and i will tip you if you do a good job. I think this guy probably some how sabotaged my car or that he will kill me soon. If i die find Rob at the jiffy lube in Alpine Utah.