Friday, September 11, 2009
Well its a part of life you eat, you sleep, you breathe, and you wear t shirts. I have noticed that this article of clothing can say a lot. Certain brands mean certain things. For example, oh look at that guy wearing that Ed Hardy t. I assume three things usually 1) guy is a tool 2) guy has a membership to golds and hits on girls 3)guy also wears true religion blue jeans. This guy has found it suitable to pay 75 dollars or more to buy this shirt. For yall who don't know what an Ed Hardy shirt is, it is simply a black tee. But you take it and couple it with a seven year old girl with a be dazzler and some fake ta too prints and top it off with a drunk man vomiting on it and you get a Ed Hardy T shirt. These only come in sizes that no man should wear it seems. They always look like they are painted on the individual who wears them. Then you can take the V neck, this seems to be worn like Chuck Taylors, by that I mean anyone can wear it. The hipsters, indies, and scenesters have seemed to conquer this one as of recent. It has and can be worn by old men showing the Burt Reynolds chest patch or the preppy kids with some sort of classy logo attached. The V neck has a popular following in Utah. It is followed like socks and sandals meaning people wear a white T under the V neck T. To me this is like wearing boxers on top of your briefs. Come on Utah kids don't rock that. This usually means you want to look cool and you shop at cool places but your still an idiot. These people can usually be spotted at bars,clubs, bistros, and other places trying to look cool and discussing things that are irrelevant to life. They are usually closet Republicans. Then you got American Eagle T, Aeropostale T, Hollister T. This usually says I'm fresh out of high school. Enough said. This is my favorite, because I am a bigger guy I shop for bigger clothes. My mom used to call it the husky section. I now call it the portly section. The other day I am looking at T shirts at the Ralph Lauren store. There is a man beside me. . They have three cuts of Ts slim fitting, tailored fitting, and classic fitting.They have three sizes XL, 2XL,3XL. So this dude is bigger than most. I sit and watch this guy. He is in the 3x section. He is in the slim fit section. This dude picks up a Slim fitting 3x T shirt and takes it to the counter and checks out. Now there is a few things wrong in this picture, they should never have slim fit and X on the same shirt. Not to be insensitive but I seriously doubt that shirt is going to help that poor man look slimmer. Oh Bob that 3x slim fit has help you cut down 173 lbs in the love handles. No man it don't work. Its like the one time I saw a 500+ lb lady ordering a burrito in the airport with a swine flu mask on. Swine Flu is not as bad as a heart attack. Anyways I'm a big dude but I embrace it. If you are combining X with slim fit it equals not cool. Its like puttin rims on a crappy car
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I have noticed in life there is always That Guy. That guy is a broad term that i narrow down to a stereotypical white male that always is easy to joke on. For example, that guy in Hawaii would be the 50 plus white man with a plastic lei, short cargo shorts, flowered shirts, flip flops, visor, and greets others with aloha. That guy in the south is the beer drinking redneck, full of Obama hating, cut off t shirt with some sort of wild life, lifted truck, chew in the lip, and a confederate flag somewhere in arm range. On the golf course that guy would be the homeboy with expensive clubs, laying on the ground to get the line of the putt, golf shirt tucked in, golf belt, quick to tell you their handicap, quick to make excuses about you beating them, and takes four days to hit a shot because they try to use zen in golf homeboy. There is always that guy in your class. That guy usually in your class always likes to announce his uniqueness. For example, he will say I'm not religious or I'm not into spirituality. Beginning anything with those two phrases allows him to be some sort of prophet of the unruly i guess. He also is quick to misquote a lot of things, for example well according to stock market analysts it cant get any lower (the stock market is back and growing, i read the paper unlike this idiot). He always announces that he is from somewhere HARD, for example he says oh well I'm from Vermont and this is how it happens. WE SHOOT COPS IN MID DAYLIGHT IN LOUISIANA, i am not impressed with Vermont. That guy also seems to have the most skewed ignorant views on politics. He is the one to raise his hand and say "i cant believe we are letting Obama get away with taking away our guns". He also loves to quote Glenn Beck and Rush " while me and rush were passed out in a gutter in Tijuana after a night of jello shots and prescription meds he told me ......" That guy is always the one who bathes in Aqua Di Gio and comes to class and sits by that girl in class. He always tries to impress her with all the above listed things. That guy is the one at the coffee bar on campus who runs around like a squirrel requesting a specialized drink "ah yeah can i get a protein berry chai latte twist with lemon zest, vicatin, cognac, and a shot of espresso". That guy is the one that comes into class late and announces why. "ah sorry teach I'm late because parking is bad and this girl was talking to me in the hall" That guy is the one who is in my class at 8:30 in the morning. I will be fighting that guy in the octagon by semesters end.