Thursday, April 22, 2010

Your annoying on Facebook

Everyone has facebook. Your boss, your mom,your half retarded cousin, the guy who was a nerd in high school and now has tats galore, the one kid you thought was gay who turned out to be gay, the aunt that you hate at christmas, the kid in class that smelled like fritos all the time. You get the point if they breathe and can type they got facebook.As great as this tool is for alot of things there are certain people who annoy me on this social networking site.
1) The dude who likes everything regardless. He likes all your events, status, photos, and comments no matter how crazy it is. You can put on there that you just found out you have cancer and for some reason this guy will thumbs up that crap.
2) Constant status updater. Why do I care if you are eating 5 guys? why do i care if somebody is giving you a weird look? why do i care if you have four finals left?
3) Farmville request. Cmon man. Stop sending me requests. If I could be William Sherman and burn your farm to the ground, I might play it. If I could have a farm ran by the drug cartel and come kill your farmers, I might play it. Overall stop sending me requests.
4) The creepster add. Theres always a fine line, should I add this person or not? But then there is the creepster add with the message affixed. Like "hey remember me from Meteorology class" No man I dont, I took that crap online. Why are you adding me? Isnt 180000 friends for you enough?
5) The misplaced comment. i.e. Ryan Cason likes pancakes : comment- hey long time, how are you?. Fool that has nothing to do with pancakes.

Oh facebook sometimes I have you just to make fun of others. Someone should really make a faux pas list of facebook and invite people to join that group/cause

Monday, April 5, 2010

Bro Schedule

11:00 AM- Wake up to alarm clock blaring Creeds greatest hits, fold Ed Hardy PJs, Make sure hair is still in perfect shape from previous night
11:15- Study self in mirror to still make sure you are the alpha male
12:00- Shower using only the finest of Axe ointments
12:15- Stand over humidifier filled with aqua di gio, get dressed, wifebeater, true religions, affliction t
12:30- Hair time, gel overload
1:00- Inspiration time- Watch Jersey Shore and UFC on split screen for motivation
1:30- Get in lifted truck with volcom sticker, crank up the limp bizkit on the zune and go
2:00- Bro arrival at school, meets with another bro, cracks open a six pack of muscle milk and red bulls and sit in the hall
3:00- Bro goes to class, usaully sits by bleach blonde girl, Bro talks about his strong forearms and his business major, usually invited girl to his study group, if another bro is in the room this will usually result in a bro-block (flexing pecs to draw in the female)
4:15- Bro gets out of class and he is ultra torqued, listens to kings of leon on the zune to calm his nerves, drinks a muscle milk, figures it time to work
4:30- Bro goes to work at the library or school bookstore not as an employee but as a recruiter, Greets others with Whacchu doing this summer? Then tells them about his deal he has to sell something door to door and how you can get chicks all summer
5:00- Bro needs to refuel with red bull and spray on tan
6:00- Heads over to throw down to practice grappling other men
7:00- Prepares for the sun to go down, Re gel hair, Re axe spray body, put on sunglasses ( this is essential to Bro-ness, someone once said nobody but blind people and douches wear sunglasses at night)
8:30- Load friends up in lifted truck
9:00- Del Taco, 7/11, ride around freshman dorms
10:00- attend local club, drink energy drink again, go dance-rape a girl, then try to get on another girl, go look in the bathroom mirror and say the bro mantra, which is "I am the alpha male, all women want me, all men want to be me, I am the alpha male"
11:00- Go hut tubbing with Chicks
12:00- Take the chicks around in your truck
2:00- Curl up in your Ed Hardy Bed sheets and lay to sleep,
2:15- send out booty call text
2:30- accidently fall asleep and dream of a land full of spray on tanned girls with white/blonde hair