Thursday, January 26, 2012

Emotions through Emoticons

If a picture says 1000 words then an emoticon tells 0. Im not anti emoticon however im anti the over use of emoticons and acronyms whenever there is no use for it. The other day while in Smiths someone text me where are you? I reply smiths they reply "I <3 that store :) LOL" I text back "I didnt LUL" to which the response is ":).....K :)" So this would be acceptable if this were a 13 year old little sister. I dont have a teenage little sister. There are a few things wrong with this conversation. 1)we are grown ups 2) you saying you like Smiths does not make me laugh 3)it takes longer for me to find the <3 emoticon than to type out the word love. The only appropriate acronym to follow the first text would be K.M.I.T.F.C.I.S which means kick me in the face cause Im stupid. Duh. People dont understand how little a text will make me laugh out loud. Its semi psychotic to be going around laughing at a phone. Dont get me wrong ill laugh at funny texts all day but not to you liking Smiths. I will also laugh at the angry birds game. Why dont the birds snort or inject some Prozac? Thats a game I want Angry Prozac Birds Junkees and after you win the game you play a game like intervention.
The second text the :).....:) text looks like you were smiling then had a seizure and now you are recovered. Why does me not laughing cause such a happy seizure? I dont really understand why you are so satisfied with my sarcasm via text. I wish there was a im a sarcastic jerk sometimes emoticon. Maybe this person is so smiley because they are taking the Prozac thats supposed to be for angry birds. Ive decided to start texting ROFLcopter and that way whenever I text it I will have to get on the ground no matter where im at and spin on the ground laughing. My Emoticons will match my emotions from now on.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Hipster or Homeless

The other day I was driving in Salt Lake and came across the Occupy Salt Lake movement. This movement was originally started in the same park that the homeless people in Salt Lake reside it has since moved. As i was sitting at the red light a group crossed the road. The fog of dirtiness followed this mob. This brought me to question what the hipster to homeless ratio was. I then tried to find where these two sub cultures differ. The result is very little. These are a list of the things i find hard to differentiate in.
1)View on Society- Hipster may say- The World is to mainstream so i made my own. Homeless- The world is to mainstream so they kicked me out.
2)The incorporation of layering flannel. Both seem to use flannel as the end result of dress/ Jacket + Jacket + chunky sweater= alot of flannel
3)Greasy. Both groups are extremely greasy. They appear to have rolled around in a trough of Crisco.
4)Tattoos. If you ever ask a homeless person about a tattoo it usually has some cracked out story behind it. "hey cool tattoo what is it?" homeless guy replies "its a pin up sailor girl playing basketball with mulan" If you address the same question to a hipster you might get something like "its a pizza slice from this really good place in some abandoned alley" The results: both groups get stupid tattoos
5)Government. Hipster- Government is evil and out to get them. Homeless- Government is out to get them and put a microchip in their head. We all know I Robot was about the homeless.
6)Alcohol- If you see a Pabst Blue Ribbon can its coming from one of these two.
7)Job- Hipster- Always starting a business "uh yeah im starting a business that makes snow organic" the result is unemployed. Homeless- Always has a business idea thats unattainable. The result is unemployed
8)Beanie. No matter what time of year it is both groups will be sporting a beanie with whatever they have on or the weather. 102 outside oh let me put on a beanie
9)Food. both prefer places that are off the grid. Hipsters- Some place you never heard of. Homeless- some place you never thought of
10) Theologian- If you ever have questions in regards to theology address either one of these and you will get great answers. Ive met a homeless guy who claimed he was Jesus. Ive also met a hipster who claimed to be a nihilist Mormon. You will for sure get an answer that is to deep for the ordinary person to understand.

I'm glad that the hipsters and homeless have united in a cause. My only hopes would be that they would band together go in the middle of the desert a community full of people who smell bad AKA Burning Man

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

im gonna blog weekly about dumb crap

51 is the new 15

It seems that most 15 year old girls would find it pretty hard to relate to 51 year old moms and vice versa. Well luckily a lot of moms are trying to relate through their dressing habits. Theres either a lot of moms wearing bedazzled jeans or people on meth who are 15 who are just fitting in. The bedazzling of clothes have united the girls and their moms in a I look like the wrestler Golddust contest. This new movement was finally brought to my attention a couple of days ago as I sat in Zupas. There I was going to order my food and the smell of hairspray and what I perceive David Bowie smells like hit me. I then pay attention to the couple in front of me. It was a mom (maybe) and her daughter.The mom is wearing these pants that looked like she had been rolling around in a mardi gras parade, her hair was poofy, and her makeup said 15 but her face said 51. The daughter was dressed like she just came out of some redneck beauty pageant. Her makeup usage was equivalent to a cracked out rodeo clown who had a baby with Ronald McDonald. While in line behind this power duo I heard them address such topics as twilight, foods being "eewwie" and the boy that the girl went to homecoming with not being cute. I would rather slide down a slide of razor blades and land in a pool of rubbing alcohol then to be trapped behind these two again. As they got their sandwiches and salad i had a few thoughts 1)thank god i have a "cool" mom who always is herself 2)meth has to add 36 years. Surely a mom does not act like that and it was just two 15 year olds hanging out. So if youre a 15 year old meth user please stop wearing bedazzled clothes and big hair and embrace being white trash. If youre a 51 year old mom who dresses and acts like this please start using meth or start acting your age. Your clothes and langauge say 15 but your wrinkles say 51.