Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I got my tan, I got my hair. I got my pride

So i think the only purpose of my blog is to document the people i come across. i tend to have a problem of joking on others. i am from the south and this is what we do. southerners hate on people all the time. the other day i am going to buy fish in downtown slc. this place is always filled with housewives. they are not the ones you see on tv but they try to look like them. i have noticed utah housewives love suvs, naked juice, expensive blue jeans, and tee shirts that look like a nine year old high on meth made with her bedazzler. anyway so i walk in expecting to see the usual utah hair. for those outside of utah this is a foreign concept. basically it entails somehow getting your hair really streaky blonde or completely white-blonde and then proceeding to mold it into a high block on the backside of your head. the reasoning behind this phenomenom is unknown to many. i think it acts as a great hiding spot for their bottle of prozac or generic anti depressants they have to carry. anyway so i expect to see these things. but the other day i walk in realizing it is summer. that means it is time to bust out the utah housewives tan. take into mind utah is a desert. it is not orange country or south beach miami. i guess these women have been laying out on the beaches of utah lake. so i get behind this lady. as i was looking at her i noticed she had a tan. but this veteran housewife did not have a normal tan or even a orange tan but she had the leather tan. this is when you have to wake up and bathe in armor all or use leather wipes as lotion. this poor soul has reached the point to where her race is now simply leather. her skin was wrinkled like beef jerky. she had the utah hair and the expensive jeans. dear utah future wives please stay away from those gorgeous tanning beds. i felt bad for this lady. the sad thing is she was only probably mid 20s.if i get mid 20s and my face looks like a construction workers leather boot, please do away with me. God bless utah and its weirdness sometimes