Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I can relate to you.....bro

Recently I was in a forced situation with a number of ignorant people. As you can probably tell i found this situation amusing. I prefer to not communicate in these situations but I love to listen as it helps me to "relate" to people. I usually find these conversations hilarious as some pearls of wisdom come out of them. Perhaps the most intelligent statement that came from this conversation was when one kid was talking to the other kid about the struggles of Intro to college algebra. As they continued to talk about their struggles with the class the one boy cloaked in an affliction T shirt looked at the other one who fashions a faux hawk said "Bro.... If i were Asian I would have no problems with math" At this point my ears perked up and I, a partial Asian who struggled with math, asked "why is that". Afflicted Bro responds "all Asians are good at math" I reply "oh yeah 100% percent of the 100 bazillion Asian people are good at math." This was quickly followed by another fundamentally ignorant statement by Afflicted bro "yeah bro, that's what I'm saying." I decided there was three options here 1) Continue as an undercover dude 2) quickly google on my phone the easiest way to make myself go deaf for a short time 3) continue to read about Casey Anthony. I chose the 3rd. Ive did learn from that night that I would use my genetic pre disposal as my excuse for anything in life. I'm pretty sure that listening in class, studying, and applying yourself would overcome the fact that you were born white. Ive decided to make a list of my lacks and blame it on what race I'm not instead of my laziness towards certain things.

If only my parents were black i would be in the NBA or a good dancer
If only my parents were Dominican I would be in the MLB or a good dancer

All this time i thought somehow i was responsible for my lacks turns out it is my genetic predisposition.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Kiosk Life

Welcome to the holidays. It seems that one person from my family always wants something that requires me to make a journey to the mail. The mall is a perfect grab bag of people that are funny. People that you wonder where they came from? and why are they here? The mall seems to be a gathering place of collection of motley characters. I feel that people I encounter at the mall are the same people I encounter on airplanes and on a bus ride. As I first walked in the mall the other day I first saw a guy with a wife beater and a pair of basketball shorts. Since he was wearing this outfit while it was 38 degrees outside i knew it would be a good day. You can also view goth kids, emo kids, bros, people with bejeweled jeans, and Utah hair. As I was walking to the store viewing all these people parading in the mall mixed in with old people exercising I forgot about the worse type of mall people. The Kioskers or the Billy Mays people of the mall. Look man I realize you have to acquire a job post summer sales but dont try to use tactics on me. If i wanted to buy a cell phone from Cricket I would approach you. There is no need to yell like the dude selling popcorn at baseball games. I see your cheesy sign and see your bleached tips. They have all kinds of weird gifts at kiosks. Aprons that flirt, stickers, huge watches, and hd sunglasses. Amongst all of the kiosk people is my most hated mall person, the guy who rubs salt on your skin to make it smooth. This guy will not take no for an answer. He will just walk up to you and throw it on. He will not stop talking to you even if you fake a phone call. He will not stop following you. He just wants you to have the salt experience. The only reason I can think of why this guy is this pushy is because he is a crack head paid commission only in crack. So when you go to the mall watch out for this possibly creepy crackhead who just wants to throw salt on you to smooth your skin.