Wednesday, April 15, 2009

7-11 my home away from home

So I go to 711 twice a day usually.Once around 11-2 at night. The other time somewhere between 8-11 in the morning. Going to 711 is not something i do out of necessity but something i do as more of a routine. I think i am not the only individual who does this. I know the workers by monikers i have come up with them. For example Raj (actual name) that dude who stinks, that weird girl who listens to stupid hip hop, that dude who is overly friendly and ask me do i need a bag for my big gulp like it is malt liquor, and finally rajs brother who greets me as "chief" in the morning. Well I have also noticed some people are always there. At night there is the group of guys who thinks it increases their status to go there. They take time off their summer sales meetings and put in their finest pomade to shop at 711. They also drown in Aqua Di Gio and pop their hollister collar. These are the repulsive people that refer to raj by name after every sentence. then there are the girls. they usually come in sweatpants or 80s gear from dancing. They hope the guy with his collar popped does not start a conversation.Or they hope they do because the girls are just experiencing college and the desperation of provo males. then there are the usuals who go just because. you see them in there trying to find a late night snack and continue thier horrible affair with college studying. In the morning you get all the crazy old people. i saw a guy this morning with a glass eye. But my overall favorite character and voted most shadiest person in Provo is the homeless guy that hangs out there. I have noticed that this homeless guy is a real trashy with a hint of classy. For example most homeless people bum money for beer. He on the other hand bums money for colombian roast coffee in the morning. Some bum money for chips, he on the other hand bums for the fruit they have in the basket.Some bums sit in the sun and talk crazy. He can be seen on the corner of University and 8th reading the paper. So obviously this homeless man is the Bentley of homelessness. So the other day when I think man this guy cant get classier, I go to 7-11 I see my homeless 7-11er at the coffee pot. I go to scope his attire. I look, he is of course wearing his usual seamless trash bags. But then I notice he has got sunglasses. Thats right UV rays stay out his life. I then notice they are Chanel sunglasses, the classiest homeless man ever. He then goes to pay for his coffee, he pulls out a Louis Vouitton coin purse. I mean this guy is now classier than anybody else in the store. Decked out in trash bags and designer accesories for the spring.


  1. this has inspired me to become homeless. thank you.

  2. Can I say that I love your blog with all of my heart, and a handful of other body parts? Srsly. This thing rocks.
    I also make a daily trip to 7-11. We've probably seen one another.
    Please post more. You are a comedic genius.